the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize