i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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