I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
