I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
