She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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