Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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