The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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