We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
