he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
