Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
