Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
