I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
