is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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