her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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