i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
