I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
