I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
