I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so let's talk penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
