Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
