I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
