I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize