it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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