I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
