remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
