tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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