My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
