he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize