I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
