cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
