you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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