Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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