I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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