between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I deserve this hangover.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
