why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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