he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
