I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
