Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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