Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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