I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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