just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
