Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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