mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
