I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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