Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
