Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
