Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
