Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
