Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
