I just gift wrapped bread.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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