Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
