OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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