so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
