i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
