you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
