So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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