After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
