Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
