Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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