So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
