Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
