grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
