So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
