He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
