I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
