I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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