So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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