if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
