Swine flu. Run for my life!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
