So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
