I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
