i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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