Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
