I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
