Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Randomize
