Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
