just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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