the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
