Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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