My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
