My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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