I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
