totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
