WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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