he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
