Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
