Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
