I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
