Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
