final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
