It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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