Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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