do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
