There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
