Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
