i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
