I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
